After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
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