nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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