my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
just come out here and I will go home with you...
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Randomize
