on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
