doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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