i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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