just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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