I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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