I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
She told me I should be a condom model.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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