I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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