I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
