ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
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