You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
