I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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