Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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