Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
