I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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