tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
