I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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