Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
