I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
