my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
