Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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