I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
