Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
