why do cheetos always look like penises
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
