you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
