if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
She even gives head with a lisp.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
