my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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