Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
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He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
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One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
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