My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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