i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
