i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
