my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
only if we run a train.
done.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
