I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
