True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
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Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
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You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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