just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
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Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
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In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
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