So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
