Tell her she can't have a vagina
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
