You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
