I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
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