My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
