Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
ttyl tear gas
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
So much rum. So many feels.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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