playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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