Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Damn victory sex feels great
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
