He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
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Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
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I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..