I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
