smell my finger.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
