He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
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It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
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I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.