my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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