lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
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Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
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thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!