I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
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I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
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If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.