But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
# Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
29 Super Simple DIY Drinking Games
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?