I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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