he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
