You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
