Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
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I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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