I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I think your dad took our porno
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
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