Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
