seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Rumble strips road head = magical
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
