Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
