And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
