so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
i've created a new STD.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
