They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
