hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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