I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
