he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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