dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Randomize
