You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Randomize
