well you can't waste a boner
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
