I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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