ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
