no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
