Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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