My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
