clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
