Where is the hickey?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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