My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
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Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
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I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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