There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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