Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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