I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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