I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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