Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
