when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
