Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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