I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
