I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
