also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
