around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
