At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
