he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
cat food counts as protein by the way
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
