So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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