hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
