I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
