you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
