I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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